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10 Hard Wired Lies That Are Holding You Back

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It pays to question everything. Every decision, every belief, every action. Why is such and such a priority? Why do I hate cyclists? Why am I doing this today…?

Last week I got asked to do some writing for a business. Some of my usual weekly tasks had to take a back seat. I questioned my priorities based on my long term goals and got the right results.

Importantly, I didn’t over burden myself by just adding this work onto an already huge pile of activity. I traded it for something else.

I did the important things well rather than a bunch of average output. This is crucial.

Prioritise – focus – perform. Repeat.

This applies to all areas of life. Do I want to play golf on my day off or spend time with my family? Am I a monster for playing golf a lot? I don’t think so, but that is a decision I make. I still spend a lot of time with the family. Life is a series of trade-offs…

The problem is, a lot of the big life decisions we make are based on lies. Hard wired lies that we believe because our parents told us so. Or a teacher told us so. Or perhaps your hero told you in their online content.

All of these lies have the potential to destroy your dreams and prevent you living a life true to yourself… 

1.Going to College / University means you will get a great job and be a success

Would you get into about £30,000 of debt for anything else (apart from a house — more on that later) and it be seen as wise?

I did Business Management and absolutely none of the things I learnt have been applied since. None.

The skills you learn through experience far outweigh the skills you are taught. And the skills are actually relevant.

If you want to be a doctor, a pilot, an accountant or a surveyor you need to go. If you want to work in, or create a business, it is a choice.

Get a great mentor, not a degree.

2. Working without being fired for 40 years is a successful life

To me this is a nightmare. 40 years of wage slavery. I know a lot of people are motivated by security and that’s fine. The problem is so many people stay in jobs they hate because they don’t empower themselves to consider other possibilities. If they do look at their options, too many lack the courage to make positive change.

Consider where you are in your working life and where you want to be in the future. Are your actions today moving you closer or further away from your ultimate ambition?

Related – How to Use Self Awareness to Start a New Venture

3. Early retirement is a sign of success

Does this mean you’ve been doing something you hate all your career?

If you are working doing something that you live for it isn’t a chore, so why would you want to stop doing it as long as you are healthy?

My writing is my Oxygen, it’s not a means to an end. It is my therapy, it’s not destroying me slowly. I want to be doing this on a beach when I’m 80. I want to always be helping people through my content.

4. Hard work means you have less energy

My work gives me energy it doesn’t take it away.

Great work gives you a boost. After a long week of grinding I’m pumped not tired. I want to go and celebrate every weekend not sleep.

Create a life that you love, it will always keep you fully charged.

5. Being busy = being important

Being busy means you’re overburdened. I always have a lot to do. I have so many ventures I want to start with The Business of Life that I could keep myself busy for 20 years. But I don’t want to create chaos. I want to be calculated and measured. Everything is given its own level of importance and put into a holding pattern.

Again: prioritise – focus – perform. Perform well, do the small things right, take constant action but be patient. Don’t be a busy fool, be a calculated superhero.

6. Breakups are always negative

If something is bad for you remove it from your life. Relationships are no different. It might be hard at first but you’ll thank yourself later.

Even if you think you’ve lost the love of your life, have faith that it will be for the best in the end. Most things usually are.

7. If you say no to people it is rude and selfish

Why is it rude or selfish to live your one short life how you want to? Again, what are YOUR priorities? 

Do your actions equal your ambitions? That is THE question to ask yourself.

Say no a few times and it gets easier. Take back control of your life. 

8. Negative emotions are all bad and should be avoided

It pays to recognise your negative emotions so that you can understand what is making you feel that way.

Steps can then be taken to remove the source. Blindly moving forward and disregarding your negative emotions won’t help you to fix anything.

9. Lying to children can ‘protect’ them

The main job of a parent is to prepare children for the life that awaits them.

Bad shit happens in life: prepare them, and toughen them up. Don’t be those parents that fuck their kids up by sheltering them from the perils of life.

If the dog dies tell them it died, don’t buy a similar looking dog and keep quiet. If you hate your wife, leave her and tell the kids that people break up. If you lose your job and you’re broke tell the kids — don’t keep buying them shit.

When they turn 18 they won’t want to kill themselves when a girl breaks up with them.

Give them a true perspective, the courage and the motivation to create a great life for themselves in the reality of adulthood.

Do you want them to live a life of being pleasantly surprised or unexpectedly disappointed?

10. Owning your own home should be the life goal

I’ve owned 5 houses in the past 8 years. I’ve also rented my own home for the last 2 years…

Renting is way better — for me.

More of my money is liquid. If something breaks it gets fixed for free. If I want to move quickly I can. And I pay less every month than I would with a mortgage on the same house.

I value freedom and making money over security. I can think of way better investments than owning a house for 20+ years hoping, rather than calculating, that the market will rise in real terms.

Maybe you’re different, but if this is your life goal at least show yourself the courtesy of questioning why…

Have you decided on your own or have you been dictated to by society or your loser parents?

I’m not saying I’ll never buy a home for the family, but it won’t be for the same reasons as most. The reason I’ll buy is this — more choice of properties. And that’s it. At the moment that’s not a big enough reason for me to change things.

That’s how I make life decisions: a calculated mix of self awareness, current priorities and ultimate ambitions.

I hope this has opened your eyes to life and the endless possibilities that are available to you. Life is a blank open book, give yourself the power to write your own future.

Pay attention to the norm but question it. Don’t let society influence everything that you do.

Dare to be different, dare to lead a life without limits, dare to win.

Don’t take hard wired human beliefs as gospel. Remember… the world used to be flat.

“You have to be ODD to be number ONE” Dr. Seuss

-Matthew Brown

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If this post has stirred something in you in a positive way let me know. Equally if you’re pissed off and think I’m an idiot let me know. Keep the discussion going!

Thank you for some of your attention.

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